“Money doesn’t matter” 💸
I often heard this growing up. My mom has Multiple Sclerosis, a disease of the central nervous system that is progressive and debilitating and, like most chronic illnesses, expensive.
Growing up, I was never totally sure what my family’s deal with money was. I lived in an upper-class, wealthy, predominantly white neighborhood in Westchester, NY. The houses were huge. The taxes were high. Families went on expensive vacations. And yet, I often felt confused about whether or not my family was wealthy. My dad had (and still has) a successful Public Relations Company. My mom’s illness made it difficult for her to continue working after my younger brother was born so my dad had to fully financially support our family.
Even though he made a good salary that allowed us to live in the neighborhood we did, whether or not we “had money” always seemed confusing because of medical bills.
I was given lots of messages by society that money didn’t matter (how crazy is it that we don’t learn any financial literacy in school? and aren’t required to take these courses in college?). And yet it was money we needed to pay my mom’s expensive medical bills. It was money we needed to live in Westchester. Money we needed to pay for live-in care for my mom. Money we eventually needed for college. Money I now need to pay for my own rent, my own groceries, my own healthcare. Money that I’ll hopefully need one day for my own kids.
I spent much of my teens and early twenties keeping this idea in mind. I chose a notoriously underpaid career out of college. I didn’t even know how to access my retirement account until two years after I opened it. I didn’t know that my savings account had the lowest possible interest rate and that I could have been saving much more in the ten years since I’ve signed up for my bank. I didn’t learn anything about the stock market until this year (I’m 27). I had no idea that women, on average, miss out on $500,000 to $1,000,000 dollars over their lifetimes because they don’t invest in the stock market (learned this from Miki Agrawal via Sallie Krawcheck in her inspiring new book Disrupther).
As a grown up, I think I’m starting to understand what’s really behind this idea. Money SHOULDN’T matter, but it does. Money isn’t the most important thing, but it is AN important thing. Money can’t buy ALL the things we want, but it can buy MANY of the things we want.
As I started to peek into the self-decidedly closed book of my own financial literacy this past year, I’ve been amazed to learn all of the things I had no idea about surrounding my own financial health! I looked at my retirement account. I started budgeting. I learned how much money I actually spend on average a month. I learned what some basic finance terms mean (#compounding). And probably most importantly, I started investing in the stock market (more on this later).
Money definitely can’t buy all the things we want (for many of us that’s health, happiness, community). But money can help pay for health and money can help support living lives that make us happy and are surrounded by people who we feel in community with.
If you’ve held fast to the narrative that money doesn’t matter throughout your life, I see you! This narrative is nice to believe, but it isn’t helping women and we’ve got to start to deconstruct it. Money matters and is way less scary and confusing when we start talking about it. I’m so happy you’re here!
